


Reap What You Sow

by baking_bisexual_bitch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brief Violence, M/M, Panic Attacks, Reaper Tsukki, Reapers, Suicidal Yamaguchi, Suicide Attempt, depressed Yamaguchi, discussion of suicide, there will be some fluff not to fear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-16 23:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5845360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baking_bisexual_bitch/pseuds/baking_bisexual_bitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kei was numb to it by now, reaping souls. Working in the suicide department was its own hell, but after two years he was drained of all his sympathy.</p><p>That is until he sees his best friend on the other side of the noose.</p><p>[ON HIATUS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Reunite

**Author's Note:**

> So...yeah this is a thing I'm writing.
> 
> I don't actually know if this fic will really get any readers cause it's so angsty and potentially triggering, but I've had the idea stuck in my head for so long I just had to write it. This is the first fic I've written where I actually planned out a basic plot, so yeah it will actually have a storyline.
> 
> I already wrote the next two chapters so they should be out fairly soon I just need to edit them.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING INFO: This fic centers around a suicidal/depressed character so there will be a lot of talks of suicide. In the first chapter there is a description of a suicide and a suicide attempt. It also features different perspectives/opinions on suicide. However, I don't plan for this fic to include major character death.

 

Kei looked down at the slip of paper in his hands, then up again at the street sign. He was in the correct neighborhood, now to find the house.

It was a pleasant Spring night. Fog clung to the pavement and hung in the air around him, but the temperature was nice enough. The sidewalks were empty this late at night, even in a neighborhood so close to the city. The only sound was the click of Kei’s shoes on the pavement. He came upon the house soon enough, the number displayed in elegant metal font beside the doorway matched the address written on a scrap of paper in his hands.

The door opened silently as Kei entered the small house. It was cluttered, dirty dishes were stacked in the sink, and boxes filled with mismatched objects lined the walls.

He didn’t have to wander long before he found the man, alone in his bedroom. Tears shone in his eyes and a gun was already poised against his head.

Kei chose not to appear before the man. Only humans close to death could see or touch him, and even then, only when he wanted them to.

The man hesitated for a moment, his grip loosening on the gun, Kei wondered briefly what was going through his head. Was he thinking of all the people he was leaving behind? The life he was leaving behind? The life he was choosing to abandon. Kei knew it was wrong and unfair, but he couldn’t help the twinge of contempt he felt towards the man. Here he was choosing to throw away his life when some people would have given anything for more time on this earth. Some people didn’t get a choice. Kei hadn’t had a choice.

*Bang*

The noise still startled him, though he’d known it was coming. The man was falling now, and Kei reached out before he could hit the floor and plucked his spirit from his body. It floated a few inches off the ground, and had a slight transparency and glow, but the features still resembled the man. 

“Am I dead?” He asked.

“Yes,” Kei replied, he hoped this man wasn’t prone to panic, he hated when they panicked. 

“Oh my God. Oh my God, that’s my body.” The man took a shaky breath, “I can’t believe I actually did it.” He didn’t sound sad necessarily, just shocked. “Are—are you an angel?” He turned to Kei now, eyeing the wings sprouting from his back.  

Kei had been asked this question a few times, and he never knew how to answer. “Yeah sure,” he half lied, he wasn’t entirely sure what the truth was though. He knew he collected people’s souls. He knew he brought those souls to the underworld, or heaven perhaps, or maybe just some kind of limbo. And he knew he hated his fucking job.

“C’mon, we’re going,” Kei said and turned away from the man.

“Are you taking me to heaven?” He asked nervously.

Kei almost laughed and muttered, “sure, whatever makes you sleep at night.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Yeah, I’m taking you to heaven.” He also knew he wasn’t retiring anytime soon.

* * *

It never got easier, Kei just got more cynical. Each person he watched die, each soul he escorted, each person who chose to leave the earth, he cared a little less. Being a reaper was, by nature, depressing, but working in the suicide department was especially difficult.

Tonight he was headed to a college dorm. Fan-fucking-tastic.

It was late, he had to wait for fifteen minutes before he was able to slip in with a student entering the dorm, since he didn’t have an ID. He rode with them in the elevator, and stared intently at the ground; he always felt guilty of being in the presence of someone who thought they were alone. He waited for the student to exit before he pressed the button for the floor he was headed to.

The dorm room was small, a dresser, a bed, a small desk, and a little floor space covered in dirty clothes. The walls were bare except for a calendar. Overall pretty sparse, but standard.

Kei wrinkled his nose in disgust as he picked his way through the mess on the floor, and headed to the bathroom.

He saw the back of the student first, a ruffled mess of hair, a loose t-shirt over long limbs. He walked the few steps to see the boys face.

Kei’s heart stopped.   

Standing, no, not standing,  _dangling_ , in front of him was his childhood friend, his best friend, his first love, the boy he’d lost his virginity to.

There was Yamaguchi with a noose around his neck.

 

Kei had seen this before; he’d seen it a hundred times before. He knew Yamaguchi didn’t fall far enough or weigh enough to break his neck, rather he would choke to death. This gave Kei minutes rather than seconds. But he’d already wasted too much time.

Kei dashed out of the bathroom. A knife, he had to find a knife.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck._  Kei’s breathing was labored. He rushed to the desk, and frantically searched through the drawers, pulling out loose papers and food wrappers. He overturned the objects resting on it and finally,  _finally_ found a small pair of scissors.

He was halfway back to the bathroom when he realized there was no way in fucking hell these scissors would cut through rope.

“Fuck,” he gasped his voice was shaking. He ran back to the bathroom, almost tripping on a pair of pants on the way. “Fuck!”

He’d seen this a hundred times, but he’d never stopped it.

Kei did the only thing he could think of, he wrapped one arm tightly around Yamaguchi and lifted up, with his free hand he attempted to shimmy the rope off of the other’s neck. It was tight  _it was taking too long_ , but at least now there was no pressure on his neck. Finally, Kei got the rope fully off, and he sank onto the bathroom floor, still clutching Yamaguchi.  

The other boy’s eyelids fluttered open almost immediately, but his eyes remained glassy and unfocused. He opened his mouth to speck, and lurched upright, coughing and clutching at his throat. 

Kei inspected his throat, it didn’t appear to have any serious lacerations, but purple bruises were starting to form.

When Yamaguchi’s coughing fit finally ended, he straightened up and really took Kei in. Kei felt like the world was moving in slow motion as he watched Yamaguchi’s reaction. His face flashed recognition, disbelief, relief, anger, and finally settled somewhere between shocked and betrayed.

“T-tsukki?” His voice was rough and broken, “I don’t, how…” He took a few quick breaths, and his eyes began to dart frantically around the room. “This isn’t real.” Yamaguchi had the wherewithal to turn his head to the bathtub before vomiting.  

He coughed a few more times and then turned back to Kei. Yamaguchi reached a shaking hand out and brushed his fingertips against his cheek, as if to confirm he was real.

“Tsukki? Are—are you really, is it really you?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“How are you—” Yamaguchi paused for another coughing fit, and rubbed his fingers along his bruised neck.

Kei’s eyes trailed to his neck again, and then to the noose that he had carelessly dropped on the floor. He felt tears form in his eyes. This was real. This was happening. The full weight of the situation finally hit him.

“How…why did you do this Yamaguchi?” He tried to keep his voice from sounding accusatory, but it still came out angry.

“W-“ *cough* “-what?” Yamaguchi asked confused.

“How could you do this to yourself?” Kei gestured vaguely at his neck. Yamaguchi’s eyes met his own and they flashed with white-hot anger.

“You don’t know what I’ve been though,” he said defensively, and pulled his knees up to his chest, retracting from Kei. “Back to the main point though, how are you—“

“What about your family Yamaguchi? What about your friends? What about the people you’re leaving behind?”

Yamaguchi’s mouth moved silently up and down for a moment. When he finally spoke his voice was filled with anger and resentment. “You—you, Tsukki, you left me. You  _left_ me. I’ve been on my own for almost two years! You have no idea what I’ve gone through, how dare you lecture me?”

“I didn’t have a choice Yamaguchi. How—how could…this isn’t like you.”

Yamaguchi’s back was pressed against the edge of the tub, and his head was resting on his knees. He averted his eyes from Kei, and spoke softly, “You don’t know a fucking thing about me Tsukishima.”

 _Tsukishima_. The name reverberated in his ears. He got up. “You’re right. I don’t know you anymore.”

It hurt. It hurt to know that Yamaguchi was in so much pain. It hurt to know that he had abandoned his best friends, whether it was his choice or not. It hurt to know that Yamaguchi would have followed through with it if Kei hadn’t saved him. That’s right, Kei had saved him. Yamaguchi was supposed to die and Kei had saved him. Kei, a  _reaper,_ had saved Yamaguchi, a person who was supposed to be dead.  _Oh shit_. The enormity of what he’d just done finally hit him.

“Yamaguchi, get up we have to go now!” He tugged on the shorter boy’s arm.

Yamaguchi kept curled in a ball, “I don’t want to go anywhere with you. Please leave me alone.”

“No Yamaguchi you don’t understand! We have to leave!” Kei said urgently and kept tugging on the other boy’s arm.

Yamaguchi stirred reluctantly, and looked up at Kei. He immediately startled backwards. “Tsukki, you have wings!”

“I know, I’ll explain in a bit, but right now we need to go!” He tugged Yamaguchi up and started running, out of the bathroom, out of the dorm room, and into the hallway.

For a moment Kei forgot. Forgot that he had died, forgot that he was a reaper, forgot that he’d just had to save Yamaguchi from committing suicide. For a moment Kei was a child again, running hand and hand with his best friend.  

 


	2. Let's Reminise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update you didn't have to wait months for as promised (let's see how long I can keep that up)
> 
> So, chapter titles are a thing now i guess??? Idk why I added them cause I'm awful with titles but eh why not.  
> Also the perspective will change from chapter to chapter, so this is Yamaguchi's perspective now.

 

“Tsukki wait! Where are we going? What’s happening?” Tadashi exclaimed as they hurtled down the hallway.

“I’ll explain later, just c’mon, if we get caught I’m going to be be in so much trouble,” _Tsukishima_ threw over his shoulder and kept running.

Tadashi had no choice but to follow. He was in a daze at this point. Today had been so fucking weird, his ability to be shocked was pretty shot, so he just took everything in stride. Tsukishima Kei, who supposedly died two years ago, had faked his own death for some reason? _Sure, why not._ Not only that but he also had wings that looked surprisingly real? _Yeah, sounds about right._ They were on the run from some kind of cops looking for Tsukki? _Just an average day in the life of Yamaguchi Tadashi._ But perhaps the most shocking thing to Tadashi was that he _himself_ was alive. He’d tried to kill himself. He’d really followed through with it this time, but he had been saved, by none other than his dead best friend. Tadashi eyed Tsukishima’s silver wings again, maybe he was some kind of guardian angel?

Before he knew it they were down the flights of stairs and out of the building. Tsukishima finally paused.

“Yamaguchi, do you have any friends whose house you could stay at, just until we find somewhere else to go?” He asked.

Tadashi fell silent for a moment, the topic of friends (or lack thereof) was a rather sore one. “No, not really.”

Tuskishima sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "We need somewhere to stay; do you know a hotel or motel where we could stay the night?”

Tadashi thought for a moment. “Yeah I think there’s a motel about 3 miles away, but I’ve never been there.”

“As long as it’s away from here, and we can spend the night so you can sleep, it will be fine.”

Tsukishima’s phrasing struck Tadashi as peculiar, that he said _you can sleep_ , as if Tsukishima wouldn’t need to sleep as well. All of Tadashi’s questions would have to wait however until they were away from the dorm, it must be important if it agitated Tsukishima this much. Tadashi might not have seen his best friend in years, but he still knew that it took a lot to scare him, so for whatever reason he wanted to leave, it must be important. 

They walked the three miles together in awkward silence, interrupted only by Tsukishima’s occasional reminder to keep up the pace. It wasn’t that they had nothing to talk about, they had dozens of questions for each other, but they had agreed to talk when they were able to sit down face to face. They reached the motel and made their way up to the woman behind the counter.

“Do you have any available rooms?” Tadashi asked.

“Yes. I assume a single is okay?” The woman said.

Tadashi sputtered for a moment, that was one hell of an assumption. “N-no, we, um—“ what were he and Tsukishima exactly, they had already been dating for a number of years when Tsukishima had died, but where did they stand now? “—no we’d like twins please.”

The woman looked at him confused for a moment, but checked her computer. “Yes, that’s available,” she said and handed him the key.

Tadashi bowed and took the keys. "Thank you," he said, and they headed for the elevator. Soon they were sitting in their room, Tsukishima on one bed and Tadashi on the other. 

“So…” Tsukishima started, “do you want to go first or should I?”

“I can go first,” said Tadashi, “but what’s there to say.”

Tsukishima scoffed, “What’s there to say? You tried to…you were going to kill yourself. How does that not deserve and explanation?”

Tadashi gave a listless shrug, because what was there to discuss? He’d thought about it a thousand times and more. Promised the people he loved that he wouldn’t kill himself. Promised himself that he would. He went back on his word, both of them, multiple times. He'd changed his mind about who he wanted to please, himself or others, again and again. What more did he have to say? What explanation did he owe his dead best friend? Tadashi had talked to Tsukki hundreds of times already, in his imagination. He’d laughed with him, consulted him, apologized to him, and finally just earlier that day, kept his promise to him, his last words to the other boy _‘I’ll see you soon.’_ Or at least had planned to keep that promise until the very boy in question showed up in his bathroom and ‘saved’ him. Tadashi was half-convinced that this was all still happening in his imagination.

“What’s there to say?” Tadashi repeated. “I was depressed years before your accident, you knew that.”

“Well, yeah, but suicidal? Was that just because of me? Because I died?” To Tadashi’s surprise Tsukishima’s voice was layered with guilt. If he felt so guilty why did he fake his death and not tell his boyfriend?

“No, Tsukki, that wasn’t just you. I’d been feeling suicidal for sometime before that, but it certainly didn’t help. I-It got bad,” Tadashi cursed himself as his voice betrayed him and he began to choke up with tears. “I didn’t, I just didn’t want to…it wasn’t about wanting to die, y’know? It wasn’t that I wanted to die, it wasn’t that I wanted to abandon the people I love, it just, it got bad. I didn’t want to die; I just didn’t want to keep living in this hell.” Tadashi felt hot tears drip down his face, he rubbed at his eyes. He hated to cry in front of others, not that he wasn’t used to it. He’d always been emotional; Tsukishima had seen him cry dozens of times already. Tadashi still wanted to shift the focus away from himself. “Uh, your turn. Starting with, why did you fake your death? And why are you wearing wings?” He asked.

Tsukishima blinked at him, and then let out a quick laugh, though it was no laughing matter, he was just so surprised. “You think I faked my death?”

“Well, didn’t you?”

“No,” Tsukishima looked pained. “I really did die. I’m a…reaper of sorts, I collect the souls of dead people and escort them to…the afterlife, or something.”

Tadashi gaped at him, his mouth twitching up a few times, waiting for the punchline. But there was no punchline, Tsukki was telling him the truth. He took a few deep breaths. “No, no there’s no way. This is too much…” His breathing quickened, “S-so why, why were you there. Why did you come to me?”

“I think you know the answer to that Yamaguchi.”

He did, Tadashi did know the answer. Tsukki had come to collect _his_ soul, because Tadashi was supposed to die. He knew this and yet it sent him over the edge. Knowing that he really would have done it this time, he really would have died, and Tsukishima would have taken him away. He started hyperventilating and crying at full force.

It had been years since Tsukishima had seen Tadashi at all, but he still remembered what this was. He watched as the brunette curled into a ball on the cheap motel bedding, it was clear he was having a panic attack.   

 


	3. Let's Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized part is a flashback in case that was unclear.

_Holy shit_. Kei was reunited at last with Yamaguchi and right off the bat this happened? Not that he was mad at Yamaguchi, he’d just hoped their reunion would go better. He took a deep breath, _c’mon you remember how to do this_ , he said to himself. He got up and sat down on the bed next to Yamaguchi.

“It’s alright Yamaguchi, you’re going to be alright,” he said.

Yamaguchi whimpered. It was such a small sound, pitiful and broken. Kei felt an unfamiliar stabbing pain deep in his chest. He clutched at his shirt resting directly over his heart. 

Yamaguchi’s hyperventilating became rugged; with each breath he took he let out a horrible whine. Kei felt the pain in his chest again. _Sympathy_ , Kei realized with a shock. He was feeling sympathy towards Yamaguchi. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt genuine sympathy since he’d become a reaper. He was so overwhelmed by the emotion that for a moment he couldn’t talk. Kei closed his eyes and let the wave of emotion crash over him. Behind his eyes was blackness, but he could still hear Yamaguchi’s breathing. Each inhale was like a stab in Kei’s chest, a stab of pain and love and pity and _sympathy_. He forced his eyes open, forced the overwhelming emotions down, forced his voice to stay even.

“It’s going to be okay. Yamaguchi, is it okay if I touch you?” Kei asked, but got no response except the same crying. He tentatively reached out his hand and stroked it against Yamaguchi’s back. The other boy made a noise of protest and curled further in on himself. Okay, so no touching.

“I’ll be right back Yamaguchi,” Kei said. He carefully got off the bed and walked to the bathroom. He filled a plastic motel cup with tap water. He paused to look at himself in the large bathroom mirror. The face that stared back at him was scared and overwhelmed, so _human_. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He could worry about his own emotions later, right now he had to take care of Yamaguchi. He flicked off the light in the bathroom and carried the cup of water back to Yamaguchi’s nightstand. Then Kei did the only thing he knew how to do to calm down his friend. He assembled a small nest around the boy, surrounding him with blankets and pillows. Built him safe cocoon where he could wait out his panic attack in warm comfort. He then lay himself down on the bed, leaving a barrier of pillows between himself and Yamaguchi, but still curling around him.

Kei didn't need sleep, but he still closed his eyes. Listened to Yamaguchi's noises, and let his emotions wash over him. It was scary to be feeling so much love so quickly, but Kei realized it also made him happy. He was happy to be feeling something other than apathy. He was happy he'd saved Yamaguchi. He was happy to be in love.

“Shhh, Yamaguchi, it’s going to be alright,” Kei soothed. The brunet was still crying, but at least he had stopped hyperventilating. The most Kei could do now was wait it out with him. He had seen Yamaguchi have a panic attack nearly a dozen times, but it never got easier. Kei still remembered the first time he witnessed it, way back in their first year of high school, before they were even dating.

* * *

 

_Kei sighed as he entered the room tossing his backpack on the floor. “Hey Yamaguchi I was wondering…” he trailed off. Yamaguchi was crouched on his bedroom floor, making gasping noises._

_“Tsukki…a-am I beautiful?” Yamaguchi asked. He had his face turned away, his voice was so strained it didn’t even sound like him._

Shit _Kei thought, and ran his hands down his face, because what do you do when your life long friend and crush asks you that? Yamaguchi wouldn’t ask that type of question under normal circumstances, he’d be too embarrassed and he knew that it would make Kei uncomfortable. But these clearly weren’t normal circumstances. It wasn’t even a question really; Kei knew he was just setting himself up so he could tear himself down. Still Kei had to play along and see it through. “Yes Yamaguchi, you are.” Kei sat on the ground as well, but kept his distance._

_“You’re lying,” his voice was quiet and broken._

_“No, I’m not.”_

_“Yes you are!” Yamaguchi finally turned to face him, scowling. His eyes fixed on Kei for only a few seconds before they darted around the room sporadically._

_“NO I’M—“ Kei started angrily, and then took a deep breath, anger wasn’t going to solve anything, and he hadn’t missed how Yamaguchi had flinched at his loud voice. Besides Yamaguchi did have a point. Not that Kei was lying of course, he really did think that his best friend was beautiful, but his intentions weren’t genuine. He wasn’t telling Yamaguchi he was beautiful because he felt like it, or even because he was trying to get that point across, he’d only really said it to try to calm Yamaguchi down. Kei may be the clever one, but he always forgot how perceptive Yamaguchi could be when it came to him. Yamaguchi could see right though his bullshit._

_Well then, it was time to get real._

_Kei moved closer to Yamaguchi, and reached out his hands. “Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked quietly. Yamaguchi nodded._

_Kei placed his hands on either side of Yamaguchi’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me Yamaguchi,” he said quietly. Yamaguchi’s eyes darted to his, he seemed lost and distracted, as if he was looking right through Kei. “Hey, listen to me. Yama—Tadashi? Listen you’re—“ Kei swallowed and blushed, he didn’t want to do this, he hated dealing with feeling, and talking about them was even worse. But this wasn’t about him. This was about Yamaguchi, and right now Yamaguchi needed reassurance. He needed the truth._

_“Tadashi you are beautiful.” Yamaguchi opened his mouth to protest, but Kei went on, “I know you’re not, like, hot or sexy, really. You’re not all high cheek bones or bulging muscles, or something like that.” Silent tears dripped down Yamaguchi’s face, Kei didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he plowed on, “you’ve got round cheeks and a lean frame. You’re all caring smiles and free laughter.” Kei was gaining confidence, no longer blushing, and the words just poured out of him without thinking. “You’re like the taste of hot chocolate in February. Warm and good and beautiful. I love your freckles Tadashi. I don’t know why I never said that. I love the way you smile at me. I love you.” And Kei had already come this far so he figured, fuck it, and he leaned forward and placed his lips on Yamaguchi’s. The kiss only lasted a second or two before Kei pulled back to look at a shocked Yamaguchi. It occurred to Kei that kissing someone who’s in a panicked state might be wrong. Had Kei taken advantage of him?_

_Kei was interrupted from his thoughts as Yamaguchi pitched forward into his arms and sobbed into his shirt. Was that good? At least it was normal crying, rather than the weird silent crying Yamaguchi did when he was panicked._

_“I, I n-need to, I, uh, I want to lie down,” Yamaguchi stammered._

_“Okay let’s get up.” Kei stood, pulling Yamaguchi with him and the two stumbled towards Yamaguchi’s bed. Once Yamaguchi was lying down, Kei turned to leave._

_“T-tsukki? Will you stay with me please?”_

_Kei looked down at him for a moment, he had wanted to be alone with his thoughts, maybe listen to some music, but eventually he nodded and lay down gently beside Yamaguchi._

_“Thank you.” Yamaguchi said, pulling a blanket over both of them, and resting his head on Kei’s chest. “Thank you,” he whispered again, quietly._

_Kei’s heart pounded._

_By the time Yamaguchi’s breathing returned to normal, Kei was already almost asleep. Almost. He still heard Yamaguchi’s murmured response of “I love you too.” Before he drifted off._

* * *

 

Back in the hotel room Yamaguchi’s breathing had evened out and he was on the verge of sleep. Kei promised they would talk more in the morning, but for now Yamaguchi needed rest.

Kei clicked off the light and whispered to his friends back, “goodnight Yamaguchi, we’ll have plenty of time to talk in the morning.”

Kei couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this update was pretty quick as planned, cause I had already written the first 3 chapters, but from now on the updates will be a little slower. Also I've been feeling really...bad? or just unconfident i guess in my writing lately so I'm gonna take a short break from all my stories, sorry.
> 
> I'm actually excited for where this story is going tho, the real plot should start next chapter, these first few were mostly background. From now on it will be more action/romance/angst instead of just angst.


	4. Let's Run

A loud rap on the door woke Tadashi from his slumber. He blinked his eyes open and blearily looked at Tsukki, who was already standing by the door.

“It’s probably just housekeeping. You can go back to bed,” Tsukishima whispered.

“They're awfully early aren’t they,” Tadashi mused even as he closed his eyes again. The sun was just starting to peak through their windows, and he wasn’t one to deny himself a few extra hours of sleep. They still had a lot to discuss, but that could wait until later. He barely registered the voices from the doorway.

“Tsukishima Kei, reaper ID number 1211, you being placed in detention for attempt to preserve a soul--”

The female voice was starting to filter through Tadashi’s sleepy brain. _Something is not right,_ he thought as he sat up groggily. Then the whole room kicked into action.

\--please hand over your assignment and don’t resist—“

“Yamaguchi!” Tsukki yelled and slammed the door shut.

The door was kicked open, so forcefully that it came off its hinges and clattered against the wall. The person responsible was soon to follow. A furious looking woman with large white wings stormed into the room.

Tadashi sat bolt upright, all thoughts of sleep had vanished. “Tsukki, what’s—“

“Yamaguchi don’t let them touch you!” Tsukishima yelled.

Tadashi had no idea what was going on, but he was pretty damn sure he should listen to his friend. He scrambled out of bed, but the sheets trapped his legs. The woman was practically on him by the time he was able to free himself. He stumbled backwards as the woman lunged at him. He ducked under her swinging arm, but never turned his back on her. He looked to Tsukishima for help, but it the reaper had his own problems to deal with.

Tsukishima was grappling with a shorter, but by the looks of it stronger, reaper. He had white wings just like his companion. The man had Tsukishima by the wrists. The blonde struggled to pull himself free, but to no avail. “Let go of me you piece of—“

In Yamaguchi’s moment of distractions, the woman had almost touched him again. He could feel the rush of air from her swinging arm just above his neck, and it set his hairs on end. There was something off about the woman. Something so distinctly _not human_. Other than his wings, Tsukishima was indistinguishable from a regular human, but this woman’s very presence felt ethereal. Tadashi wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere near her even without Tsukki’s warning. He retreated until his back hit the glass sliding door that led to the porch. Tadashi’s wide terrified eyes stared into the frigid blue one’s of his attacker.

There was a loud thud and Tadashi glanced over the woman’s shoulder to see Tsukishima’s assailant crumple to the floor. Tsukishima turned his attention to the remaining white-winged reaper. Tadashi almost shuddered at the fury that was burning in his eyes as he stormed towards the woman. She didn’t even have time to fully turn around before she was being yanked backwards, her ice blue eyes going wide in shock. Her confusion only lasted for a second though. She twisted in Tsukishima’s grip, breaking his hold on her shoulders. The woman drew back her arm and punched Tsukishima squarely in the face. Blood gushed from his nose and lip.

“Tsukki!” Tadashi exclaimed and surged forward.

“No, stay back! Don’t let her touch you,” Tsukishima said through a mouthful of blood.

At Tsukishima’s words the woman seemed to remember her original goal and averted her eyes for a second to locate Tadashi. One second was all Tsukishima needed. He aimed a round house kick at her side that sent her coughing and stumbling to the floor.

“You’ll pay for that,” She sputtered out, but made no attempt to get up. Her companion had already rallied. The man yanked Tsukishima by the wrist. He jerked backward, and the man wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s arms and torso.

“Tsukki,” Tadashi gasped, he felt so helpless, but there was nothing he could do without risking being touched by the reapers. He just stood and watched, his back still pressed against the glass sliding door.

“Tadashi do you trust me?” Tsukishima choked out as he struggled against the man still holding him from behind.

“W-what?”

“Just, please. Do you trust me?”

Tadashi had no idea what he was talking about, but “yes, of course. I trust you.”

“Okay, brace yourself.”

Tadashi didn’t even have time to think about what that statement meant before the man attacking Tsukishima’s spoke up, “Don’t even think about trying anything you bastard.”

Except Tsukishima was very clearly thinking about trying something. Or more than just _thinking_ about it. Tsukishima dropped his weight low while shoving his elbows up, effectively breaking the man’s hold on him. Tsukishima gripped his own fist and jabbed his elbow back fast and hard into the man’s stomach. The man doubled over, and before he could recover Tsukishima was running forward.

Running directly at Tadashi.

At full speed.

“Uh, Tsukki...” He started, and then Tsukishima crashed into him.

Tadashi barely felt the impact, just heard glass shattering behind him. Tsukki’s arms and wings wrapped around his body like a cocoon. They were falling out the door, through broken glass, onto the porch and then tumbling over the edge.

Falling.

Tadashi squeezed his eyes shut and braced for impact with the ground.

A gust of air hit Tadashi as Tsukishima’s wings unfurled. He gasped, and clung tighter to the blonde, burying his face in the other’s chest. The cold wind rippled by and clung to his clothing, but Tsukki against him was so warm. His eyelids fluttered open and he raised his head to look at their surroundings. He was facing upwards to the open expanse of blue sky, he turned to see the rapidly disappearing buildings and treetops. Tsukishima beat his powerful wings and climbed higher into the sky.

“Tsukki!” Tadashi yelled to be heard over the rushing wind. “Where are we going?!”

“Away from here!” Tsukishima yelled back.

Tsukishima continued upwards until they must have appeared but nothing but a large bird from the ground. He then leveled out, but kept flying, occasionally resting his wings to glide through the air. Despite the cool temperatures his body was hot against Tadashi’s, he realized Tsukki was even sweating. He felt guilty suddenly, his extra weight must have made it much more difficult to fly.

Luckily they didn’t have to fly far before they were out of town. The university Tadashi attended was in a smallish town, with the regular coffee shops and local businesses, but not a city by any means. Now they hovered over the surrounding residential areas. Tadashi rarely had a need to leave the town, there were department stores and supermarkets not too far away, but he knew the neighboring area pretty well.  

"If we keep following this road until we get to the big bridge we can get to the next town over,” Tadashi called out. Tsukishima nodded, a motion Tadashi felt more than saw, but said nothing.

* * *

“Here are your room keys,” the woman behind the desk said. She barely looked up from her computer and didn’t smile as she handed over the keycards. Tadashi couldn’t blame her, it was late, the hotel lobby was devoid of any other costumers.

He himself was terribly exhausted. They’d had to walk into town from a less populated area since, as Tsukki had explained, “I’m invisible to most people, but you’re not, and it might raise some eyebrows if someone descended from the sky into the middle of traffic.” Tadashi just wanted to collapse on the cheep motel mattress, but he couldn’t help the eerie feeling that this was a repeat of the previous night. Would his morning call tomorrow be filled with more murderous angels?

“Are we safe here?” Tadashi asked once they were in their room, perched on the edge of his bed.

Tsukishima paced the small room and ran a hand through his hair. His perfect, beautiful, blond hair that looked just as soft as Tadashi had remembered. He wanted to run his fingers through it, to grab it by the fistful. God, Tadashi thought, they had been reunited after two years and hadn’t even kissed yet. He wanted to, he _desperately_ wanted to, but he felt like he’d be violating some kind of unspoken agreement of theirs. He didn’t really know where their relationship stood.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know they could track me.”

Oh. Right. They were discussing important things. “Who’s is this ‘they’ anyways? Were those people other, uh, reapers?” The word still felt strange in Tadashi’s mouth.

“Sort of. They’re reapers technically, but their jobs are more like…cops? Like underworld cops. You can identify them by their white wings.”

Ah, yes, the wings. It was almost easy to forget the unusual (to put it lightly), circumstances of their reunion, except for Tsukki’s _wings_ , which were impossible to ignore. Tadashi was tempted to ask if he could touch them, but they had more pressing issues. And what if it was bad etiquette? What if touching a reapers wings was offensive? Tadashi wished, not for the first time, that his dead-boyfriend-turned-reaper came with an instruction manual.

Tsukki looked distressed. He was still pacing the room, lost deep in thought, but remained silent, brooding as he often did when overthinking things. He tended to internalize worry, so Tadashi would have to pry answers from him. “Tsukki, what’s wrong?”

No response.

“Tsukki?” Tadashi got up from the bed and gripped Tsukishima’s shoulders, effectively stopping his pacing. “I don’t know if you’re just worried, or trying to protect me by keeping me in the dark, but this involves me now, and you have to tell me what’s going on so I can help.”

Tsukishima stared at him with worry in his eyes, but finally huffed a deep sigh and spoke, “it’s just—I don’t know how they found us. I didn’t think they could track other reapers.” He looked over Tadashi’s shoulder and worried at his lip. “It’s possible that they’re tracking you, but your just a regular human now that I saved you, so I—“

“You didn’t save me,” Tadashi interrupted.

“What?”

“You didn’t save me.” Tadashi repeated, stronger this time.

“What? Yes, I did. I’m talking about the—the _incident_. The _rope_ incident.” Tsukishima stumbled through the sentence.

“ _Rope incident_? Really? I don’t see how you preventing me from committing suicide really counts as _saving_ me,” Tadashi said, he was starting to get riled up. Tsukishima barely even knew him anymore, he had the audacity to assume that Tadashi even appreciated being ‘saved’.

“What else would you call it! You were going to kill yourself!” Tsukishima practically shrieked.

“RIGHT! Because I made the choice to!” Tadashi yelled.

He panted into the silence that followed. He realized suddenly how close he was to Tsukki’s face. He could almost see Tsukishima’s heart breaking in his rapidly blinking eyes. All the heat and anger seemed to drain from Tsukishima’s body, he just looked small and tired.

“Can we just talk about this another time?” Tsukshima asked. He looked up at the ceiling and rolled his head from side to side, as if trying to forget the conversation, wash its stress from his shoulders.

“Fine.” Tadashi begrudgingly backed down. But this argument was far from over. He wouldn’t let Tsukki claim ‘savior’ for barging in on his life after being absent for 2 years. He wouldn’t let Tsukki act as if preventing him from committing suicide meant he didn’t still want to kill himself.  

“Okay back to my original point,” Tsukshima went on. “You’re a regular human, I don’t think they can track you, although it’s still possibility.” Tsukki took a few steps away from him. “Yamaguchi, if they’re tracking me it means you will never be safe with me. You won’t be able to go back to university, or have a job, or anything.” Tadashi was shocked to see tears in Tsukki’s eyes. “It might be safest if we…split up.”

Tadashi felt like the wind was knocked out of him. “So what, we’re together for the first time in years and you want to leave?”

“It’s for your own safety.” _God_ , he sounded so condescending.

“Bullshit, you said yourself they might be tracking me. And don’t I get a say in this?” Tadashi said.

Tsukishima sighed a fell back against the bed, his legs hanging off the edge. “I don’t know Yamaguchi. I really just…” He ran a hand down his face. “I’m sorry. For dragging you into this, pulling you out of your life and putting you in danger…although I’m not sorry for save—for, uh, _stopping_ you.”

“Right, whatever.” Tadashi supposed he couldn’t hold that him, honestly in Tsukki’s position he probably would have done the same thing. “Are there options besides splitting up or going on the run? Do you have any kind of, I dunno, special reaper superpower?" Tsukishima snorted at that. "Do you have any friends who could help us?”

Tsukishima sat bolt upright at that, and a very small smile crept onto his face. “Actually, I might know someone…”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, this is finally done. I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!!!! but this chapter is a lil longer
> 
> This update took so long cause I feel like i can't write recently. I think part of it has to do with my medication, but also everything feels just so shallow, idk, like i can't get past the surface level of boring descriptions and actually make a good story. I dunno, Its frustrating. 
> 
> Also I can't make any promises about future updates, sorry. I had a whole storyline planned out for this fic and i realized there were hella plot holes and just ugh. but it will update eventually.
> 
> Finally, thank you for all your kudos and comments!!!! I know its early on in the story but it's already getting a better response than i anticipated, I'm glad yall like it so far
> 
> ps. sorry i switch between 'tsukki' and 'tsukishima' I never know what to call him from yamaguchi's perspective, cause yamaguchi refers to him as 'tsukki', but it feels weird to do that all the time, like when im just describing tsukishima's regular actions, but it feels strange not to use 'tsukki' when yamaguchi is observing or reacting to something directly. So yeah, i just switch, oh well


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